


the copy nin did not pawn off his students to the legendary sannin (thank you very much)

by arispeaks



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gratuitous use of italics, Humor, It’s a Special Sack, Kakashi goes crazy, This fic has early 2000’s naruto fic vibes, and commas, because i read way too many of those during quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23983150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arispeaks/pseuds/arispeaks
Summary: “My first impression of you guys? Well, I hate you.”He didn’t mean it, not really. Those three were just little shits, albeit adorable little shits. As for the other three? They were slightly bigger shits, slightly irritating shits.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 103





	the copy nin did not pawn off his students to the legendary sannin (thank you very much)

**Author's Note:**

> poor kaka-sensei :(

“Asuma-sensei that’s not fair!”

Kakashi heaved a sigh when he walked past the training grounds where Asuma’s _cute, adorable gennin_ were being told by the man to run laps around the village.

If only _his_ cute, adorable gennin were a bit more sane, a bit less unhinged.

Then they’d be running laps around the village, or chasing after Tora the cat.

 _Not_ running off with a crazy snake man.

 _Not_ going on a journey with a perverted toad man.

 _Not_ following around a violent slug woman.

That last one just _stung_ ; Sasuke decides to go emo-avenger on them, so he leaves the village, okay _fine_. Naruto wants to go after the emo-avenger, so he also leaves the village, okay _good luck_.

But Sakura was _still **in**_ the village but he hasn’t seen hide nor hair of the kunoichi, only a note from the Godaime Hokage that basically said; _“Hatake, you suck, I’m going to be stealing your student now.”_

Okay so it may have been a bit more official-sounding than that but she _may as well_ have said it.

He was reading between the lines, looking underneath the underneath.

Being a good shinobi.

 _Too bad you couldn’t be a good sensei_ , a traitorous voice inside his head said.

Huh. Traitorous. Like Sasuke.

 _Sasuke_. That little shit. Why did he have to run away with Orochimaru? Didn’t he think that his Kaka-sensei could teach him how to defeat his brother? He taught him the _Chidori_. He’d given him special training.

And what does the ungrateful brat do? He goes off and runs to the snake man.

He even causes trouble for the others in the Rookie Nine, you know, the gennin who actually _stayed_ with their sensei.

_Did I do something to deserve this? Was I this much of a hassle for Minato-sensei?_

Of course not. As if.

Minato-sensei, Naruto’s father.

 _Naruto_ , why did you have to go with Jiraiya?

Sure, the man wrote wonderful books, he probably would’ve gone stir crazy like, halfway into his shinobi career without Icha Icha.

But that didn’t mean he could steal his student!

That’s it, _steal_ , maybe I can steal some kiddies from the other teams, who _wouldn’t_ want to train with the famous Copy Ninja, Hatake Kakashi himself?

Wait no. He won’t do that. He’s not like the Legendary Sannin, he’s not a thief.

Ha. That’s it. The Legendary Sannin are nothing but Legendary Thieves. He’s not going to stoop to their level.

—————————————————————  
It’s when the Rookie Nine, sans Team 7 of course, are talking about their monthly get-together when he just snaps.

“Kurenai-sensei, our team is in charge of the food this time.”

“Asuma-sensei, we’re going to have it by the cherry blossoms, they’re really pretty around this time of the year.”

The two jounin smile at their no longer gennin but still precious students and the teams scamper on to do whatever it is that normal ninja do.

Kurenai and Asuma turn to him with pity in their eyes and-

He doesn’t need pity damn it.

“You know Kakashi, you can still come to these get-togethers. You’re still a Rookie Nine sensei. Even though your team is...”, Kurenai elbows Asuma, cutting him off before he can put his foot in his mouth.

“What Asuma means to say is; we have sparring matches before the meal. We’re sure the kids would enjoy sparring with you, or even watching us spar together. How about it Kakashi?”

Asuma looks like a lightbulb just went off above his head.

“Wait don’t you still have your kunoichi? Sakura was it?”

This time Kurenai jams a piece of porkchop down the Sarutobi’s throat.

“Sakura-chan went on a diplomatic mission to Kiri with Tsunade-sama last week. They’re probably still on their way back.”, he sighs tiredly and gets up to go wallow in his apartment.

That’s when _Kakashi_ gets his lightbulb moment.

_That’s it. I’m taking back my cute little students._

—————————————————————  
The sun hasn’t even risen yet.

He decides to go to Otogakure first, might as well get through the most troublesome Sannin and student.

When he gets there, Sasuke is still asleep. He stuffs the ninja in a burlap sack and gets ready to leave.

The door slides open and Orochimaru is standing there, bleary-eyed and brandishing Kusanagi.

Before he can even register the sight of his student’s jounin sensei standing on the window sill, holding a burlap sack that contains Sasuke, he gets hit with a Raikiri.

Kakashi thinks that he might as well take the snake man anyway. He’s got a bone to pick with all the sannin.

Kabuto wakes up that morning thinking that maybe his master and Sasuke went to the mountains to train again.

—————————————————————  
He honestly didn’t know where to look for Naruto and the Toad Sannin, so he decided to look for Sakura and Tsunade first.

He wasn’t expecting to stumble upon their camp, with Naruto snoring loudly on a log. They were probably heading to Konoha again.

_Maybe the gods do want me to get my students back. Lady Luck, I am in your eternal debt._

He doesn’t feel sorry for the two ninja already stuffed in the sack when he dumps Naruto into it. 

Who cares. They’re _evil._

And it says a lot about his anger towards the sannin when he doesn’t even wince when he dumps Jiraiya in there too.

—————————————————————  
The Hokage and Sakura were probably in some nice inn, diplomatic missions tended to be cushy like that.

He‘s at the front desk of an inn in Tea Country, because he’s pretty sure those two were practically starry-eyed in the face of sake and dango. Both things that Tea was renown for.

He flashes the receptionist a grin that she didn’t see because of his mask. 

“Can I have Senju Tsunade and Haruno Sakura’s room numbers please?”

The receptionist eyes the large burlap sack uneasily.

“I’m sorry we’re not allowed to-“, Kakashi shifts the sack onto his other shoulder so he can roll up his sleeve to show the ANBU tattoo. 

The receptionist still looks uneasy but gives him the room number anyway.

Luxury suite. Nice. 

He eyes the two kunoichi sprawled on the tatami mats and idly thinks; _“Tsunade-sama you’re such a bad influence on my cute little student. She shouldn’t be drinking at this age.”_

He puts them in the sack too.

It’s a very nice sack. He doesn’t know how he can fit six ninja in there, especially with three of those ninja being the Sannin, but whatever.

—————————————————————  
Sasuke wakes up because he’s suffocating. 

_What the hell? Is this another one of Orochimaru’s fucked up-_

His train of thought is cut off when he tries to yank the murderous _things_ off his face when he notices that they’re very soft and... squishy?

What the fuck. Sasuke may be a virgin but he knows a pair of breasts when he sees... uh well, feels some.

The Snake Sannin may be creepy but he’s pretty sure he’s not a pedophile, so who the fuck is-

His thoughts are again cut off when he sees a flash of blonde hair.

_What the fuck is Naruto doing in his room?_

He looks around and realizes that nope, he is definitely not in his room. If he were to hazard a guess he would probably think that he was in a fucking sack.

With Tsunade, Naruto, Orochimaru, Jiraiya, and is that... _Sakura?_

His... rather aggressive actions towards Tsunade’s breasts don’t manage to wake her but his thrashing does wake Orochimaru and Sakura.

Sakura takes one look at Orochimaru and lets out a scream.

Sasuke covers her mouth with his hand and tells her to be quiet.

“We don’t know who the fuck has us, why the fuck they have us, and how the fuck he caught us. So be quiet. We don’t even know what kind of person this is, someone able to capture the Legendary Sannin is sure to be quite strong.”, Orochimaru explains to Sakura.

Damn his head hurts, he’s pretty sure he remembers a bright flash of light then... nothing.

Sakura nods and pries off Sasuke’s hand.

“I’m going to wake up Tsunade-shishou, you handle Naruto and Jiraiya-sama.” 

Sakura sends a wave of chakra through her mentor’s bloodstream, sobering her up and jolting her awake.

“Sakura I told you not to do that while I’m aslee- WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?”

This time it’s Orochimaru who clamps a hand over her mouth. He makes a shushing gesture towards the other two occupants of the sack who just woke up.

Repeating what he said to Sakura earlier, the rest of the ninja nod.

Before they can even start to plan how to get the hell out of the sack, they’re unceremoniously dumped out of the sack onto the cold, hard ground.

They all look up, ready to shove their fists down this guy’s throat when they gape.

**“KAKASHI-SENSEI?”  
“KAKA-SENSEI?”  
“SENSEI?”  
“HATAKE?”  
“KAKASHI?”  
“WHAT THE FUCK?”**

They all silently agree with Orochimaru’s exclamation. Exactly; _what the fuck._

Kakashi gathers his students in his arms and gives them a big hug. 

The three all look at each other and suprisingly, Team 7’s team telepathy, despite being unused for a few years, kicks in again.

_Kakashi-sensei has gone crazy._

Tsunade storms up to the jounin angrily, and he releases them.

“What. The. Hell. Hatake? Why did you stuff me and my apprentice in a sack of all things, why have you brought two missing-nin into our village, and better yet, how did you fit us all in there?”

The other two sannin have already walked up and flanked Tsunade, both cracking their knuckles.

“I’ll be good and I’ll answer all your questions; it’s a special sack and that’s why it can fit all of you there, I brought two missing-nin here for the same reason that I stuffed you and Sakura-chan into the sack-“, here he takes a deep breath

_**“BECAUSE YOU’RE THIEVES!”** _

Everyone jumps at that, Kakashi has never risen his voice, never.

All six of the kidnapped ninja cocked their heads to think about what they’ve ever stolen from the Copy Ninja.

He seemed to have noticed the blank look in all of their faces. 

Furiously pointing at each of the Sannin, they seem to realize that the Copy Ninja meant that they had stolen something.

**“You, Youuu, Youuuuuuuuu”**

Sakura idly thinks that maybe they should change those yearly jounin psych check-ups to monthly ones.

Naruto is wondering where the hell Kakashi got that special sack because that would be quite useful for his travels with Pervy Sage.

Sasuke is puzzled about why the hell he used to think about going back to Konoha to just train under Kakashi, clearly the man is more unhinged than Orochimaru.

“You stole my gennin! Stole them I tell you! Like a bunch of common thieves. You could’ve just picked one each from the Rookie teams but no, you just had to steal all my students. Well guess what, I got them back, and we’re going to attend the Rookie get-together and you’re not invited! Ha!”, too stunned to react, they let Kakashi drag off their protégés to the cherry blossom fields.

Everyone stills in surprise and bewilderment when Kakashi shows up dragging his three errant students, who look like they’ve just rolled out of bed mind you.

Asuma inches towards them carefully.

“Uh... Kakashi? What do you have there?”

“My cute little students, aren’t they adorable?”, he says cheerfully, pushing them down onto the picnic blanket that was sprawled out.

“How...”, Kurenai seems to be at a loss for words.

Kakashi just continues to look at them with that crinkle-eyed smile.

—————————————————————  
“Did he just...”

“Kidnap us...”

“To yell at us?”


End file.
